Pugs Gone Wild

What an amazing weekend. It was beautiful. I was very lucky because I had a little time to hit the Arlington Beach and catch some rays and see some beach bods and babes celebrating the beginning or near beginning or spring break. Oh just the idea made my teeth tingle. I took a quick nap so I could be rested for the event and not miss a sniff. I have learned from experience that a well rested physical and a crystal clear mind definetly enhance the antics that sometimes surface to the top of the social pond. Mom woke me up and quickly gathered my things. My cute Hawaiin collar, my red retractable leash and a few poop bags. The poop bags are fun for parties like this because any of the unused bags can be used to cover left overs, or a poncho for the unseen thunderstorm (p.s. those damn chihuahuas always laugh at my plastic ponchos) and at times the bags also make great water balloons. When I arrived at the Arlington Beach I went for a jog near the water and ran into an old friend of mine, Willie. It was good to see him. Willie is one of those friends I can not see or hear from for a year, but when I do, we can catch up in like ten minutes. He's left his wife, Virgie, sometime after the Holidays. He said she had changed quite a bit over the years, but I kinda think it might be over Willie's drinking problem. He always was the life of the party. I'm sure he's brought his cooler today. Just hope it doesn't end up like last year when I had to practically carry him across the street to his Shirlington Beach House. He still has marks on his shoulders from me accidently running him into part of the back steps and wouldn't you know it.............just as we round the corner who did we see but Eunice. God is she a hottie. Willie and her used to date of course. Who hasn't he licked? Eunice at first looked like she was just bathing in the Northern Virginia sun but upon closer examination it looked as if she might have had one too many Bloody Mary's over at the Luna Brunch. I don't think she even realized she had a stalk of celery in her mouth she hadn't fully chewed. It was cute to see her and Willy together for a few seconds. It always seemed they got a long nicer in the outdoors and after a few vodka stingers. Willie kept bringing up the Summer of '99 when someone stole Eunice's top while she was skinnydipping with those Terriers afterdark. Once again those poop bags came in very handy. Eunice always was very handy with some thread. It was really good to see her and know she still has a sense of humor, but then the weirdest thing happened. Right before the Best Buns Contest. Now this contest has been held on the Arlington Beach for at least like ten years and this year Willie is supposed to be a judge but declines and puts my name in the hat, well long story longer............I have never pinched, sniffed, slapped or wiffed more buns in my life. I think it's ironic there's a Best Buns Bakery open over on the strip all night for us after hours alcoholics. This was Candy. She had a great smile but a few cavities if you know what I mean. I think she would have won if she just would've tended to the garden once in a while. She did leave with a gift certificate to Books A Million, one of the sponsors for this years event. Afterwards I looked for Willie, but he was nowhere to be found. oh well. I was just leaving the event when my heart stopped. You know, one of those moments you feel like you just swallowed a cicada but rather than going to your stomach it detoured right to your briefs. Anyway...........Sweet Pea. I ran into Sweet Pea. I haven't seen her since we broke up four years ago. She looked great of course and was suprised she just didn't look the other way. But we both somehow savored the glance. We were young, I was too busy acting like I was single and she was too busy acting like we were already married. Life has a funny way of making us realize what we once thought was the unrealizable. Is that a word? ooh well. She said she figured she would find me judging the best buns of arlington and that's when I asked her why she hadn't entered. Back in the day she had buns you could bounce a treat on. There was one thing though, that absolutely, drove me crazy. She has this tongue that sorta always hangs a little out of her mouth. Growing up other dogs would call her "Licky, Licky", "Frenchy" and what was the other one, Oh yeah, "Lick and Stick". But somehow seeing her in her grown up years being more confident I found it a little becoming. I would never cheat on my Sadie Lady but I thought Sweet Pea had sorta grown into her face a little. We didn't talk of the past, only the future. She's married to a Dr. His name is Hamilton Quinn and she lives in North Arlington and just opened a cute trendy card shop called "Buy, Write, Lick, Send" I thought it sounded cute. I told her I was currently unemployed but was looking for a job close to home or possibly at home,or on my couch preferably. She said jokingly "Somethings never change". And I said, a little pissed, "Yeah........like your tongue". Anyway, where the hell is Willie? I looked all over for him. Ran into Buddy and Ralph who were playing on the dunes. They gave me a few glasses of "Purple Jesus" and we sat and laughed at some of the fat breeds. Wow, now-a-days these breeds must eat grain. I'm talking if you wanna talk to that ass Dial-1. I'm saying Chicks with their own zip code. wow, Funny, after a couple of the purple jesus brew some of those fatties looked kinda cute. Must be the heat. Wanted to find Willie to say goodbye. I said goodbye to Buddy and Ralph who at this point were behind some poisonous bush lighting up a joint. They didn't even see me leave. Purple Jesus made me make a few bathroom breaks over by the rocks and what do ya know? Eunice is still laid out. She hasn't moved since earlier, it is now like getting toward the evening. I hope she's not still on the diet pills. She never could hold her liquor. I started to leave and she asked me to come a little closer. I did, and she tried to chew on my ear followed by an open mouth kiss. I very politely excused myself and told her that I had to go and maybe take Willie home and she quickly wrote down her cell and said after I got Willie to bed maybe I could give her a call. wow, this led me right back to Ralph and Buddy's for one more glass of Purple Jesus and one drag of that joint. Clearly, this day has to end. I got my drink, got my drag and quickly the day was dying and everyone started to leave. It seemed like I was the last one there. It was nice to have some alone time. I thought I'd sit by the beach and savor the last bit of spring break. I think I must have been a little dehydrated because just as quick as i had strolled down by the water and sat down I ended somehow face first down in the waves. soaked!!!!!! Ugh !!!!! Great, I'm too tipsy to even play it off like I meant to do it, so I just compose myself and brush my soggy hair over to one side of my head and regain my enjoyment of the view of Arlington Beach. I said my goodbyes to the sea and bid adieu. Memories of Willie, Buddy, Ralph, Sweet Pea and Eunice kept me company on the long walk back, but as the sun started to set I could tell I might need a wrap. I beelined over to some strangers clothes line and pulled down some Aztec looking thing that evidently had been hung out to dry. Wrapped myself up and tried to remind myself that the walk home wouldn't be too long. I had the hiccups from Purple Jesus and was thinking maybe I should've bought a little of that weed from Buddy, but somehow was consoled with the thought of getting a hot shower and crawling in my bed. I wonder if Sweet Pea will email? or if Willie will give me a call the next time he's down over at the Bungalow? Who knows? Got home, it had just begun to rain and I hopped in the shower. For those of you who have never showered after 3 purple jesus' and a little doobage, Don't do it!!!!!! I was so trashed I forgot to rinse off, then I almost cracked my head while trying to get sand out of my paws and then on my third try I used conditioner twice, oh well, I was gone. Needed to hit the hay. I toweled off, did a few "I still have it" poses in the mirror and ate a little leftovers before hitting the hay. I was just in time to catch the re-play of Oprah. Yeah, there's nothing more I enjoy before I go to bed than listening to someone who doesn't need to go to bed or eat or drink or anything because evidently SHE'S DONE EVERYTHING PERFECTLY. Wish she'd walk in my shoes one day, she'd realize that some creatures on this earth have to lick their ass. oh well. I snuggled my George W. doll who somehow makes me feel there's still hope in the world for simple pugs like me to make it and be president with no qualifications and no ambitions. good night all, wow, Pugs gone Wild. I don't think I'll be back next year. I'm getting a little long in the jowls. But I will miss the Hot Thongs, Chili Dogs and Waves, we'll see what happens. Good night George, Good night Know it all Oprah and Good night All.