Pet Peeves

This post is devoted entirely to "pedigree fuckers". Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't wish on my aunt edna's grave to be a mutt, but sometimes being a pure bred has it's disadvantages. Ladies and Gentleman exhibit A, Sean McGloklin and girlfriend Leslee.They are both living in NY and Sean has been in three broadway shows which somehow entitles him and his gal the "i know pedigree dogs mentality". Dude, chill out. you don't know me just because you watch Animal Planet. You think you do because you've seen others like me and you think we all look and act the same. The two of them don't know this but if you look close you can see my paw on Shon's right arm is resting very stoicly and proud, but in reality I secretly ran through a little pile of backyard brownies right before the shot. Do I have to spend the rest of my life with these kind of crazy fans thinking I'm some kind of Pure Breed Star? Don't they know this is how Lady Diana tragically ended her days. She was chased by Pedigree fuckers down some scary tunnel in France. There was probably a whippet or a boston terrier or maybe a pugle in the back of the car truth be known. Ladies and Gentlemen, View Example B. Mr. Mark Koodish. He was recently down to preform in the Yellow Show at Signature and somehow that gave him the "I know all about these little guys" award. And then he has the audacity to offer me a comp ticket to his chitty chitty bang bang show on BROADWAY all because he thinks we can exchange digits and stuff. sorry Mike or Marc or Mary or whatever your name is I don't need a longer Christmas list if you know what I mean. My friendster list is filled. He doesn't know that there's a proper way to handle an expensive pedigree like myself and the way he has me cocked for this picture he actually made me throw up a little in my mouth. It was a little gross, because I had just eaten a cricket and her baby cricket and when I spit up in my throat a little itty bitty leg came out of my mouth and right after the pic Marck leaned down and gave me a "let's be secret lovers" smooch and he totally touched the dead cricket leg. Yes!!! Damn pedigree fucker, that will teach ya. Anyway, that's my vent for this week. Gotta run, the rainbow sisters are fixing dinner. They're pedigree fuckers too, but I gotta love 'em, they feed me.